He Said, She Said: Chapter 14

He Said, She Said

Chapter 14: Wanting the Undeniable

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So, that was it. The secret of their time together was officially out. ...Well, sorta. Only Pit and the Idiot Brigade knew about their affair, while everyone else simply saw them like crossed fingers. Not Mario and Peach crossed fingers, but Ice Climbers crossed fingers, which was funny, since Nana and Popo’s relationship had been on the rocks since Lucas’ true gender had been revealed.

But as the dust from that settled, things continued on like normal... or weird, or whatever. Ness was ready to put this whole mess over Lucas behind him, but the competition just wouldn’t give up.

...Of course.

Despite telling them right to the face that she was going steady with the other psychic, the Idiot Brigade still pined over Lucas and all she had to offer, albeit in lighter hints. They now kept their distance more often and made a notion to tread lightly in their words and actions. Not only that, but they never seemed to dogpile her anymore. Almost like they were taking turns, each boy would approach her at some random time, put on the moves, see her reaction, then leave. After a certain amount of time, another boy would try, and this continued on and on until curfew.

And if that wasn’t enough, the little bastards wouldn’t even take Ness’ presence into account. When he wasn’t around, they’d go all out with the charm. When he was around, they’d drop hints here and there, which Lucas ate up as if she were desperate for them. Then again, Ness was more of an action person; he was better at giving her love bites than he was at giving compliments. ...He, for the record, thought she was very pretty; he just wasn’t confident enough to come out and say it unless asked.

Trying an approach in something he absolutely loved to be around, Kirby took to trying to spend time with Lucas around food. Whether it was eating or cooking with her, the puffball always tried to turn on his pink, puffy charm at those times. Lucas often found it cute, and that was always a good sign.

Toon Link, being the little sweetie, probably got some inside info from Peach on the matter of girls, so he didn’t appear as much of a wimp around her. Sure, he still fainted sometimes when she so much as breathed on him, but he would come to almost instantly and play it off as it being the result of how she made him feel. Lucas often found that funny, so he must’ve been doing something right.

Even dunderhead Popo wised up ditched Captain Falcon’s perverted poems and pick-up lines and went with inadvertently confusing Lucas with his own, poorly-written and nonsensical rubbish. His stuff was so bad, actually, it amused her.

And Red? Oh, Red. Always the troublemaker, forever the bed seed, the thorn in your side that just wouldn’t go away. He became a freaking Romeo overnight. He used the sappiest dialogue, was always in Lucas’ face, and couldn’t keep his hands off her. ...Okay, well, that was no different than usual, but he just did it so cunningly it almost made Ness sick. The rest were cute, sweet, and nice with their stuff, but Red was on a whole ‘nother level. It was made worse by how easily Lucas was suckered into his mannerisms, and if Ness interfered, she’d irritably tell him to knock it off.

Fortunately, Lucas rarely acknowledged him with anything more than some blushing, a few giggles, and giddily-hunched shoulders. She just wanted to hear him compare her to a summer’s day, and some other old-century crap. Maybe she was finally starting to realize getting romantically involved with this guy was almost as bad as getting romantically involved with Wario. ...Almost.

Although their new approach in hitting on Lucas had become even more incessant than before, at least they did it in moderation, not every time they saw her loud shirt in the distance, heard her name, or saw her fighting. It was still annoying, but not unbearable. He could probably get used to this, right?

Ness finally realized the answer to that question was a big, fat “no”. It took a little over a month for him to come to that conclusion, but he was almost certain he had to go over one more hump before this crap was over. And what was that hump? The Idiot Brigade? Lucas? Pit? Red?

...Shockingly enough, all of the above were innocent. The problem he’d come to now was something he’d never once dealt with, making it that much harder to get over. And the culprit for his predicament this time was...

Himself.

Yeah, that was right. He had no one to deal with now but himself. He was anything but Mr. Perfect, but he never figured he’d be a problem in this heated battle for the girl, or if he was, not so much.

The first thing that bugged him was this stupid laryngitis. For some reason, it wouldn’t go away! It’d gotten better, and he could talk normally without it rivaling stepping on cat’s tail, but that still didn’t stop it from going high and deep in tone at random times. Mario didn’t know why it hadn’t cleared up, so he deemed it a long term case. What a load of bunk. He just said that to sound like he knew what he was talking about.

The second problem, he felt, was Lucas herself. When it came to their relationship nowadays, it was like she no longer had time for him. Slowly, but surely, she went from teeming with excitement at the hint of a make out session, to “not really feeling like it” when the idea was proposed. She used to constantly yearn for it and wanted nothing more than to lure him back to their room and just do it. But now, she “didn’t want to”, or “was tired”, or “wasn’t in the mood”. They still talked and came in contact with each other, but if Ness even dropped the slightest hint or touched her in a way she found suggestive, she’d suddenly remember she had something to do and completely dismissed him.

The final, and probably most-damning thing was not only did she no longer pine for him, he now frantically pined for her!

Okay, so this was nothing new, but it was controllable then. Now it was like he needed to do it, she needed him to do it, the whole house and everything within a 30 mile radius needed him to do it! He yearned for Lucas in ways that seemed so inhumane and obsessive, his urges going from slightly nagging to overbearing and incessant. Personally, he considered his lust for her as a complement; how dare she make him want her every day, and in the worst way possible? She should be flattered by this, flocking to him to as giddy as could be over his newfound desire in her. This sudden infatuation started not long after she began giving him the cold shoulder, so he believed it had something to do with that.

...Then again, he didn’t really care why anymore. All he knew was he wanted Lucas, hadn’t had a piece of her in over a week, and was literally going insane from it. Despite his desperation, he wasn’t gonna demean himself again by raping another pillow, hers, his, or otherwise. She should’ve been honored he’d never again stoop to making love to a measly sticky, old pillow, as it couldn’t take her place in bed; saying it could would be the biggest understatement of the century.

Besides, people who made out with their particularly attractive girlfriend exactly nine times in the last 20 or so days and getting to at least third base almost twice as much were too good for humping pillows. Yes, he kept count! So what?! That wasn’t a crime; people could do that! They could keep track of how many times they went all the way and how many how times they came close! There was nothing wrong with that!

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10:49am. That was the time he got up that morning. He’d missed breakfast by an hour and 49 minutes, but lunch would be there in another hour and 11 minutes, so it was all good. As per usual, Lucas had woken up hours before and had gone off to do... whatever.

He was busy trying to get himself dressed before someone popped in to tell him about a fight. The only person he wanted to see him nude, partially or otherwise, was nowhere in sight.

Finished dressing up, he sniffled and blankly looked himself in the mirror. This used to be something only Lucas would do, but he’d become accustomed to it now himself.

The reason for this was because of the sudden lengthening of the messy mop he called his hair. It wasn’t too long, but had gotten wild enough to make him look pretty scruffy, even moreso with his hat on. He’d be crazy to trust anyone there with a pair of scissors, lest he’d end up dead or looking like a maniac. It was a little problem, so it was fixed by a little solution. Standing before the mirror, he simply tied up the longest part in the back with a rubber band, now sporting a bit of a rattail. The new look was a little weird for his liking, but being normal was overrated, so he’d take it.

No sooner had he put on his trusty hat, Lucario popped in. (“Hey, Ness. We’ve got a fight. Eight minutes, Mario Circuit, explosives only, 10 stock, no teams.”)

“When?”

(“In 10 minutes, if I can find Wario. I swear, that gasbag’s always trying to skip out on a fight. So get ready. I’ll meet you there.”)

He sighed as the door closed. It wasn’t that he didn’t wanna fight, he just wanted a little time to chill before heading off to battle.

Correction: you wanna spend a little time with Lucas before heading off to battle.

He sighed again. He got him there. That was exactly what he wanted.

Yeah, there you go again, denying everything—Wait... You’re actually agreeing with me?

Yeah, sure, why not? It was true he was a little lonely. Dare he say... lovesick?

Lovesick?! ...Who are you and what’ve you done with the real Ness?!

He moped on the bureau for a few seconds before he finally slid off of it, pitiful and empty. Well, maybe if he was lucky, he’d run into her on the way or afterwards. He then groaned as he remembered how dry she was in the love department and probably wasn’t up for any nookie. But hey, it couldn’t hurt to try.

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The following fight was disastrous; Ness just couldn’t keep his head in the game and ended up coming in dead last. He didn’t care about losing, but the spectators constantly asking him what he was doing out there was starting to grate on his nerves.

He escaped their annoying questions by wandering around until he found himself going into the lunchroom. Without Lucas around, he drifted about aimlessly with no purpose, like a boat with no rudder. There was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, and it was still a little while until lunch, deeming this the perfect place for some short-lived peace. Only a few people were in and about the cafeteria as he entered. Ike was cleaning some tables, while Diddy and Snake made sure the floor was at least somewhat clean from the madness that was breakfast.

Since there was nothing else he could be doing, Ness chose to bend the rules a little and see what was on the menu, going back into the kitchen. He watched the kitchen R.O.B.s zoom about with boxes and crates full of food, drinks, and condiments. They had all sorts of things, like some pizza, cheeseburgers, salad, fries, pudding, spaghetti from last night, teriyaki chicken, onigiri, shrimp, ham, a nice slice of ass. ...Wait, what?

Turns out he was wrong... Well, about the slice of ass on anyone’s menu but his, anyway. Who else but Lucas stood before the kitchen sink, washing dishes and putting them over in clean water so a nearby R.O.B. could dry and put them away. This R.O.B. was the actual one, the one that fought.

Doing the dishes was usually the job for a pair of kitchen R.O.B.s, but a mischievous Bowser one day decided he wanted to see what would happen if they just happened to fall into the dishwater. The two weren’t broken, but still needed repair. This meant a pair of Smashers had to fill in for them until further notice. It just so happened that today was Lucas’ and R.O.B.’s turn. What were the odds?

Aside from the sound of some wayward kitchen R.O.B.s whirring around and occasionally slamming into each other several times before they managed to go where they were going, things were silent between the two. Had she been as spazzy as she was last month, she would’ve been talking up a storm over the last battle, what she saw Ike and Marth doing before breakfast, or prattling on and on about something Peach said last night. But there was nothing, nada, zip, zilch; she had absolutely nothing to say to R.O.B. and shockingly, he couldn’t take it anymore.

It wasn’t long before he found himself trudging over and giving her shirt a hard tug. It was nice and lazy, too, which always meant whatever he wanted would be sexual. She sighed, automatically knowing it was him.

“...Lucas?”

She didn’t turn around. “Yes?”

He was too distracted to be blunt. “Let’s go do it. Right here, right now. You and me.”

“Ew, no. Go away.”

“C’moooooon...” He continued tugging. “The R.O.B.s can pick up the slack, let’s goooo...”

“No.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Because I have a job to do, and I’m not leaving until it’s done.”

“Fine.”

He hurriedly fetched a R.O.B. who was currently malfunctioning, slamming itself into the door leading into the freezer. Apparently, it was trying to put some ham in there, but forgot how to open it. Ness grabbed the ham, opening the door, hurled it in and slammed it, then grabbed the frantically whirring R.O.B. and put it next to Lucas. Seeing it was in front of the sink, it promptly moved the blonde from its vicinity and proceeded to finish her job. The fighter R.O.B. saw nothing wrong with this and continued cleaning.

“There,” sighed Ness, exasperated, “Now can we go?”

She looked at him, a little annoyed herself. “That R.O.B. was busy doing something, Ness...”

“Who cares? Let’s go.”

“Not now.”

“Why?!”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Oh, that’s funny,” he sarcastically replied. “Y’know what? You didn’t ‘feel like it’ yesterday either, or the day before that, or the day before that, or the week before that, so tell me, Lucas, when exactly are you gonna feel like it again?”

She sighed. “I don’t know, but when I feel the urge, I’ll be sure to tell you.”

“But I’ve got the urge now!” he growled.

“Well, sorry. You’ll just have to... suppress it or something.” And with that, she left.

He followed. “I can’t do that anymore! How much longer are you gonna make me suffer?”

She looked back him, scoffing. “Sheesh, give it a rest already. It’s not that big of a deal.”

He ignored that, still whining. “We don’t have to go all the way, if that’s what you’re worried about...”

“No.”

“First base, then? Two minutes?”

“No.”

“Nothing serious or deep. It’ll be short and sweet, straight to the point.”

“No.”

“Just a pick-me-up?”

Now leaving the lunchroom, she stopped and groaned. “Stop it, Ness. This is ridiculous. Why’re you so needy all of a sudden?”

“Why’re you being so stingy?”

“So not being in the mood is being stingy?”

“Yes! I feel like you’re ignoring me!”

“Ness, if I was ignoring you, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I mean, you’re ignoring me...” He quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening before finishing with, “sexually.”

“Uggggggggggh...” She sounded literally disgusted.

“C’mon, Lucas. I’m not asking for much. You’ve been such a stick in the mud lately. You haven’t shown me one bit of yourself in over a week. A hug, a kiss? Something...”

She shook her head. “Ness. You and I both know we’ve got better things to do than stand around here and talk about this.”

“Like actually getting busy, so let’s go already!” He pulled her arm, eagerly trying to drag her off.

She remained unmoved, both physically and emotionally. “Really, now... This is getting a bit stupid. I already said I don’t feel like it. What’re gonna do? Make me make out with you?”

He stopped and looked at her incredulously, smirking. “That could be arranged.”

“...I’ll see you later, Ness,” she dryly remarked, going the other way.

“Wait, no, where’re you going—Lucas, no, don’t be like that, I was playing, stop it, c’mon, please, nooooo...” he mewled pitifully, following her. Seeing she was still walking away, he suddenly groped her midsection from behind. “Lucas, I’m dying here! We’re no strangers to love! You know the rules, and so do I!”

“Quit it. I’m not in the mood for this...” she grumbled, trying to push him off with a firm palm to the head.

“But a full commitment’s what I’m thinking of!” He struggled against her. “You wouldn’t get this from any other guy!”

“Really, knock it off,” she seethed. “You’re making a scene...”

He continued spilling himself. “We’ve know each other for so long, Lucas! Your heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it! And... and that’s okay, ‘cuz inside, we both know what’s been going on! We know the game and were gonna play it!”

“Ness, stop...” she growled, blushing. “You’re embarrassing me...”

“Oh, what?” He looked around her to see Luigi, Pikachu, and Mr. Game and Watch staring at them from the hallway. “In front of these guys?”

“...?” Not one of them had anything to say, not even smartass Pikachu.

He sneered. “What’re you lookin’ at? Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

The three decided they’d pass and left with shrugs, scowls, and shoulders hunched.

“There, see?” He grinned at her like a dopey puppy. “They’re gone now. Wasn’t that easy?”

“...” She didn’t look impressed.

He was starting to get desperate. “...It’s me, isn’t it? That’s why, right? Something I did? Something I said? Whatever it was, I’m sorry, I take it back, I didn’t mean it, and it was all Pikachu’s idea.”

“No.”

He stood, suddenly pissed. “Then it must be someone else! Who is it?! What’ve you been doing behind my back?! Sneaking around with some other guy?!”

“No. Look, I don’t know, okay?” She rubbed her arm uncertainly. “I’m just not... feeling it. Maybe I was going through a phase. And now that it’s over... it’s over.”

“Over?! Making out is a way of life, okay? It can’t just be ‘over’ when it wants to be! Once you do it, the rest comes naturally, you know?”

“Then I’m on hiatus.”

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. “W-wh—Huwha?! When did this happen?!”

She raised an eyebrow. “...Ness, calm down. You’re acting like a—”

She was cut off as Peach appeared behind Ness. “Oh, Lucas! Just the girl I looking for.”

“Oh. Uh...” She waved halfheartedly. “Hi, Peach.”

“Sweetie, where were you this morning? Nana was going to eat with you for breakfast, but she said you never showed up. What happened?”

Ness was taken aback by that. Lucas actually missed breakfast? She was always such an early bird; she never missed the first meal, not even once! He himself was a late sleeper, so he was always either late to breakfast or early to lunch.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot. I was feeling a little nauseous this morning, so I skipped it.”

“Skipped it?” both Ness and Peach said in unison. They looked at each other in equal shock.

The princess frowned worriedly. “But Lucas, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. How could you’ve possibly skipped it?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wasn’t in the mood to eat.”

“Have you had anything at all today?”

“No.”

“No?!” she gasped, taking her arm. “Well, you need to get something in you right now! It’s not good to be up and about without a little something! The other girls and I had a fight and couldn’t make it to breakfast, so we’re having a little brunch with some leftovers Nana got us out on the patio.”

“Peach, I—” began Lucas.

Before Ness had a chance to voice his opinion on the subject, Peach had already dragged her off.

“You can eat with us and fill that poor, empty little tummy of yours,” she went on.

“But I’m not hungry...” protested Lucas, clumsily following her fast strides.

“Oh, you won’t be saying that when you see what we’ve got cooked up! It’ll be delicious! Now come on, come on before it gets cold!”

Now, Ness usually wasn’t one for snooping around when it involved a buncha girls... But Lucas missing breakfast... on purpose? Ducking out on her friends? Not being hungry when it was nearly noon? ...Not putting out?! Something was definitely up, and it may’ve been the reason behind her sudden lack of interest in him.

He sighed, as he wasn’t looking forward to this...


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He squinted at the sun outside. It was too damn bright to be out at this time of the day, which was exactly why nobody was out here. Well, either that they were too busy fighting or waiting for lunch to start. He sat on the water fountain casually, watching things unfold from a distance.

On the patio, of course, was every girl in the house, minus Ivysaur, Nana, and... Lucas? Hey, where’d she go? Peach was there talking up a storm, but where was her follow blonde? Ness was more than ready to dismiss the girls and go search for her himself when heard Peach say her name in a bothered tone. Immediately, he stopped in his tracks and listened hard.

“...So, you’re saying she’s not coming?” he heard Samus ask.

“No, no, she’s coming. She’s just had to take a trip to the little girls’ room.” She then whispered, “She’s feeling a little sick today.”

Zelda quickly pointed a finger at her, as if remembering something. “You know what? It’s funny you should say that, because I had a fight with her this morning before I fought you guys, and she was downright pitiful.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Her attacks just weren’t up to snuff. She missed a lot, and even when she did hit, they usually fizzled out or barely worked.”

Peach pondered that. “Hmm... Anything else strange?”

“Well, she’s been pretty calm and lethargic lately, like... She’s gone about-face or something. She’s usually so happy and spry, but now she’s so sluggish and dull. Has anyone else noticed that, or is it just me?”

(“I sure have,”) vouched Jigglypuff.

“Maybe it’s her hormones. Given her age, she’s in the height of them, so she’ll have some highs and lows,” voiced Samus.

“That doesn’t explain her appetite,” added Peach.

“And her being sick,” said Zelda.

So, Lucas was sick. Was that it? And hormones? And lethargic? He didn’t know what that meant, but it sounded like a disease. So what was up?! The suspense was getting to him. He couldn’t hear everything and what he missed tore him up inside. He just had to know! What the hell was going on with his Lucas?!

He narrowed his eyes as he looked over to the table full of girls. He really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeally didn’t wanna go over there, for he knew doing so was like having brunch with aliens... Really girly, prissy, bubbly, chatty, snooty aliens...

It was against his better judgment to approach so many members of the opposite sex at once, but his love life was at stake. If he didn’t grow some balls and get it over with, he’d probably never get busy with Lucas again. And that was a horrible punishment no self-respecting dude should ever have.

...Sighing, he jammed hands in his pockets and briskly made his way over, sitting down in a chair. The very second he seated himself, the rousing conversation over Lucas came to a screeching halt. Eyebrows were raised, lips turned up, and throats were cleared. He had a feeling this wouldn’t end well.

(“Uh, Ness?”) said Jigglypuff, as-a-matter-of-factly. (“What’re you doing over here? You’re sitting in Lucas’ seat.”)

“Yes, and excuse you for dropping in on our gathering like this.” Zelda crossed her arms. “Talk about rude. If you’re looking for a free handout, I suggest you search elsewhere.”

“Yeah, don’t you have something else you could be doing?” asked Samus. “Like not being over here?”

Jeez, he hadn’t said one word and the girls were already squawking and complaining about wanting him to scram. See, if it were the other way around, a table full of guys would love it if a girl came to sit with them. As long as she didn’t interfere or start blabbing about something, she was welcomed to stay as long as she wanted. Things were all backwards when it came to chicks...

Fortunately, Peach had his back. “Oh, stop it, girls. We can have a little outside visitor over here sometimes. Ness is actually a real sweetheart. Besides,” she tittered, “we can consider him family now, seeing he’s a special friend of Lucas’.”

Their blank and irritated expressions lifted as they took this into consideration. Apparently, since he and Lucas were an item, any friend of hers was a friend of theirs. ...This didn’t keep him from sticking out like a sore thumb, though.

...And he was not, “a real sweetheart”, either. Blech.

After what seemed like forever, Lucas finally made herself known, taking her sweet-ass getting to the table. She didn’t seem too thrilled as she sat down next to Ness, quietly greeting him. Yes, and him sitting there in the first place didn’t rouse any questions from her for some reason.

“Hello, Lucas!” chirped Peach. “And thanks again for being able to make it.”

Lucas raised her head slightly and cracked a weak smile, immediately going back to sulking.

Seeing this, Peach added, “Oh, and look. Even Ness came out to eat with us! Isn’t that sweet of him?”

“...Oh, yeah. It’s really, um, great...”

“...Anyway,” said Zelda, passing her a plate full of eggs, jam on toast, and bacon, “Go on and eat your fill. Lunch is coming up soon, but we’re all getting doggie bags for it. You want one, too?”

She shrugged, looking at her food. “...I guess so.”

“We weren’t expecting you drop in, Ness, so we don’t have enough for you. Sorry.”

He scoffed. Figures. He wasn’t that hungry at that moment anyway, too busy being focused on Lucas. Both of them stuck out like sore thumbs at the table, Lucas barely eating and him not eating at all. Seeing everyone had their plate, Peach decided to kick things off by yapping about something.

Lucas gingerly ate her food, looking around shiftily while the princess blabbed on and on. She looked so dull and out of it, glaring at her meal in silent disgust. She glanced up and around the table to see everyone else happily laughing, talking, and eating their food. Looking to the food again, she sighed and lazily stirred her fork around in it.

After barely lifting the fork to her mouth thrice, Lucas couldn’t take it anymore. Grimacing and sighing loudly, she put the utensil down and pushed her food away, holding her stomach.

“Lucas? Anything wrong?” asked the peachy princess.

“I’m sorry, Peach. I just can’t eat anymore. I’m really full.”

“But you barely touched your brunch,” said Samus.

She was right. Lucas couldn’t have taken more than one bite of each thing on her plate.

“Are you sure you haven’t eaten anything today?” asked Zelda.

“Uh-huh.”

“And you can’t eat another bite now?”

She rubbed her stomach. “...I wasn’t very hungry.”

“...All right, that’s it!” Peach angrily stood up. “That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back!” She crossed her arms. “You, ma’am, are going to the doctor, first thing after lunch!”

“...But I don’t want to...” she quietly protested, picking at her food.

“Don’t want to?!” repeated everyone, including Ness.

That was insane! Girls we’re always so nitpicky in going to the doctor, with their frilly check-ups and appointments, when you were only supposed to go when you broke an arm or something! Yeah, there was no doubt in his mind something was wrong with Lucas now. That went for the others, as well.

“That settles it!” Peach thrust a finger at her. “We’re not waiting until lunch! You’re going right now, missy!”

“Peach...” she whined. “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me, honestly...”

“We’ll just see about that!” she fumed, parading over to grab her.

Seeing this, Lucas jumped up and began backing away. “No, Peach, stop... I’m okay, really. You don’t have to do this...”

“I’d be the worst friend ever if I didn’t, now come on!”

“No...! It’ll pass! It’s nothing to worry about! I’m all right!” She was starting to plead now, which only raised their suspicions.

“Lucas, this is ridiculous. What’s the big deal? It’ll only take a second,” said Samus, standing to aid Peach.

The youngest girl panicked, still backing away. “No, stop it... Don’t do this! What is this, an intervention?!”

“You could say that,” answered Sheik, appearing from behind to grab her shoulders.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!” she howled, trying to pull away as Samus and Peach each grabbed an arm. “This isn’t fair! You can’t force me to do this! What happened to respecting other people’s opinions?!”

(“Well, this is where we draw the line,”) said Jigglypuff, leading the way. (“Come on, girls. Let’s get this over with.”)

Her protesting and pulling continued on into the house until Ness could only hear the echoes of her pleas and half-crying, half-laughing panicky refusals.

Well, that certainly explained everything. Lucas’d flipped her lid, and women were very scary when they ganged up on you. He already knew the latter, but it was always a nice refresher. Unfortunately, he then realized he’d failed in the one thing he risked life and limb to come out there and do:

He still hadn’t got laid!


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Ness slumped into their room, a defeated and broken man. He decided to go Lucas’ route and skip lunch, due to him being a little more than cheesed off over the lack of sex. It wasn’t really Lucas’ fault, he knew, but still...! Speaking of which, the blonde wasn’t in there, but she would be soon. Mario tried making his appointments with people as fast as possible. Regardless, it didn’t matter to him as he flopped on his bed and flicked on the TV, angrily flipping until found something violent and mindless to watch.

Several minutes later, Lucas zoomed in, slamming the door behind her and leaning against it like every man in the house had suddenly decided to chase her. Ness looked at her quizzically, to which she responded with her trademark blank stare.

Whatever was wrong, she didn’t look up for talking, so Ness kept blazing through the channels until she felt like it. The blonde noticed this and, seeing he wasn’t up for talking either, suddenly dashed into the bathroom, a hand covering her mouth. Ness wasn’t looking at her face, but as she passed him and TV, she looked pretty pale and sick. He couldn’t help but wonder why.

The door slammed and he heard it lock. Huh, that was a little weird, but whatever. Messing with her would only worsen things. She was probably planning on taking a shower and didn’t want little surprises, meaning him, while in there. Okay, sure, fine. Maybe she’d feel better after a shower and maybe he could seduce her while was still vulnerable. It was all good, it was fine. She just needed to be softened up a bit, that’s all.

Yep, one way or another, if he played his cards right, he’d be getting some tonight. He was almost certain of it.

...

...

...

...No, he wasn’t. He was just so lonelyyyyyy...!

Letting the overwhelming feeling of loneliness get the better of him again, he was about to go over and paw at the door for Lucas to open it when a horrible retching stopped him dead in his tracks.

...That did not sound like someone who was in the mood to bump uglies.